The L Word

Remember that song I put up, promising there would be a video coming up? Well, it's been a few months, but it's finally done!


So, without further ado, here it is. If you're curious about the lyrics, I've posted them in the description box on the YouTube page where you can easily view them: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fNMkcAEHKts

Love it, hate it? Let me know...I love reading your opinions and comments. They're so so very helpful, and there's nothing more appreciated than constructive criticism when trying to improve or just try something new in song-writing. Sometimes I get it right, sometimes I get it wrong...your opinions play a big role in that process of trial and error.

On the subject of music, my boyfriend recently showed me a song that has got me absolutely HOOKED. It's called "I Love It" by Icano Pop, a newer band that has amazing dance music. Their "Top Rated" and "Ready for the Weekend" songs are also great for workout playlists, or just rocking out in your bedroom with a hairbrush. Whatever your drive for listening to music, they're definitely worth checking out.

On the subject of things involving the L Word, it's that time of the year again....You know, the one in elementary school when you would cut out hearts and spend hours writing friends' names on cards, all the while secretly praying that taping a heart-shaped candy on there wouldn't be too "riskée" or make someone think you actually liked them (because God knows that shit SO did not happen). A time of brown paper bags or just blushing if you were the crush of that boy that, year after year, always gave the same girl a rose....

Or, in High-School, just not going to school because you were "too sick" (hey, getting ready for that chocolate binge was hard work).

That's right, Valentine's Day is almost upon us. And for the first time, my friends and I are faced with a dilemma entirely out of the ordinary...

not being single. 

I know, I was shocked when I found myself in this situation, too. See, the problem is that we're no longer faced by the fact that we don't have boyfriends (that was nothing a good "let's-all-cry-at-our-lives-and-why-not-add-in-the-human-condition-in-there-too movie and chocolate binge couldn't fix)...we are now panicking over the fact that we DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS GOING TO HAPPEN.

We can't be like in High-school and pretend it doesn't exist, press the "skip" button like that Click remote. We can't pull out brown paper bags because....well, that'd just be weird. We can't pop open a bottle of wine because alcohol doesn't solve problems, folks. No, we sit here and wonder what they're going to do or if it's us that have to plan something or...

You know what, I think I'm just going to eat a chocolate. As my friend would say "peace out".

Let's Make It Better

A number: 2012 

...you wouldn't think turning that last digit into a 3 would make that much of a difference, but it does. It's about those thoughts that kept you awake 'till there was no point in sleeping, about those memories that burned so bright you're scared you'll never get that again, the lessons that made you build and break...and, finally, how to make it better.

Better is a funny word, though. It implies actually knowing what "better" means...and finding out how to make it fit around your life without losing the imperfections that make it beautiful. Or, you know, just stopping yourself from sticking a big fat "I NEVER CARED ANYWAY!" sticker on it before shoving it into a folder...preferably one you'll never have to look at when you pay the bills.

So, in an attempt to find that "better" and make resolutions that will build rather than break, I've put together a list of things that make me...happy. If life is a quest for happiness, then shouldn't those things that make you happiest be stepping stones to finding out what you want?

20 Things I Love & Counting...

1. Dancing: Crazy, stupid, I-don't-have-a-care-in-the-world, give me a hairbrush (do people even do that anymore? I saw it in Raise Your Voice a long time ago and tried it, but it just didn't seem right), drown-out-the-world but Oh, God! don't let anyone else see dancing. 

2. Smiling & Laughing: Two things, I know, but what's better than the first leading to the next? 

3. Shocking: Nothing mean, just unexpected. There's something beautiful about just doing what you want and acting all nonchalant when your friends and family don't expect it.

4. Listening to Music: My sister put me on the One Direction train this Christmas....Hated them, started loving them, never going back. 

5. Funny-Stupid Things That Make You Smile: For example, this song:

Listen to it. Now picture him singing this to a cupcake...
pretty cute, huh? Haven't been able to see it any other way since the day I read it in a comment. 

6. Conversations 'Till The AM: Simply the best. 

7. Writing Songs: I should probably add "About Past Relationships" (I blame Taylor Swift - Except I kind of love her, so don't be too harsh). 

8. Singing: In the shower, in the store when there's no one else shopping (because who buys vegetables at 8:00pm?), with a guitar, it's simply amazing. 

9. Breakfast at Midnight: My sister and I have this ritual of whenever I get back home, we have a midnight snack on the kitchen floor together....
Chairs are completely overrated. 

10. Popcorn at the Movies: Just...yeah, there are no words. 

11. Sleeping: Possibly the most amazing, overlooked thing. I love my bed. 

12. Sparkly Dresses: I was bought the moment my friend screamed at me to try one on because she "wanted to live through me" (a joke, of course - but needless to say, I was hooked). 

13. Listening and Talking: People have the craziest stories and I absolutely love hearing them. 

14. Sun-Bathing: Sunlight is beautiful - beautiful, and warm. (This love includes beaches). 

15. Halvah Bars: If you've never had one, try it - it's absolutely amazing. Like, worth-the-extra-5-pounds-in-luggage-weight going back to England amazing. 

16. Health: Anything health-related fascinates me. Simple as that. 

17. My Cottage: Summer or winter, it's my heaven. 

18. Family and Friends: Another combination, but they kind of all bundle up together. Moments mean little without those special people to share them. It's simple: I love them. 

19. Exercise: Running, especially, and core workouts (I will have abs some day!).
20. Writing: Being able to put something into words is the hardest but most rewarding challenge.

That was my list of "20 Things I Love & Counting"...what kind of things would be on yours? As the New Year rolls in, so will the resolutions accompanying it. I've had a fabulous, completely life-changing year...

Now here's to finding out how to make 2013 even better. 

Cheers!

Take These Broken Words...

...and make them breathe. 

I fell in love with a poem. It was September, the summer fading fast—taking with it things I had thought would last—and Lord Byron`s Stanzas for Music echoed feelings in me that had yet to shape words. It spoke such truth that, reading it out loud, I started to sing instead. And it was beautiful...but I didn't understand it. The first line, "There's not a joy can give like that it takes away," perplexed me, and it wasn't until putting the words to music that I finally understood the poem's deeper meaning. 

A melody formed. It started through voice and was transported by a few plucked guitar strings. If I took anything away from my Literature and Music class this term, it's that anything—whether it be a word, whisper, sigh—comes from feeling. A work's success is generally indicative of its ability to move people, to conjure the author's origin of emotion in another. As interpreter of this poem, I could only attempt to draw from this origin of emotion ("the most melancholy I ever wrote," said Lord Byron), feel as much as I could and try to express it as Byron did, only in music.

Stanzas for Music 

Lord Byron, Interpreted by Me 

There's not a joy the world can give

like that it takes away 

When the glow of early thought 

declines in feeling's full decay; 

'Tis not on youth's smooth cheek the blush 

alone, which fades so fast, 

But the tender bloom of heart is gone, 

ere youth itself be past.

Chorus 

Though wit may flash from fluent lips, and

mirth distract the breast, 

Through midnight hours that yield no more 

their former hope of rest,

'Tis the ivy-leaves around the turret wreath -

All green and wildly fresh without, 

but worn and grey beneath.

Then the few whose spirits float 

above the wreck of happiness 

Are driven o'er the shoals of guilt, 

or oceans of excess.

The magnet of their course is gone, 

or only points in vain

The shore to which their shivered sail shall 

never (oh), ever, stretch again. 

Chorus 

Then the mortal coldness of the soul 

like death itself comes down; 

It cannot feel for others' woes,

it dare not dream its own; 

That heavy chill has frozen 

o'er the fountain of our tears,

And though the eye may sparkle still,

'tis where the ice appears. 

Chorus 

Oh, could I feel as I have felt, 

or be what I have been,

Or weep as I could once have wept...

...midst the withered waste of life.

So midst the withered waste of life those tears would flow to me...

so midst the withered waste of life those tears would flow to me. 

Chorus 

There's not a joy the world can give

like that it takes away 

When the glow of early thought 

declines in feeling's full decay. 

I sing and play music the same way I do anything else—by feel. I absolutely love this poem, and can only hope that my interpretation brought it to life in a meaningful way. This was a pass or fail project, worth only 5% of my overall class mark...yet I don't regret any time spent on it. Isn't any time spent in love time worth spending?

So I walked in to my professor's office, hair dripping wet from this year's first snowstorm, frozen fingers shaking as I opened my guitar case, and played this song for her. I was so relieved when she said, smiling, that she "loved it" that I could only laugh happily.

The next day, I walked into my last class to the announcement that I could have it professionally recorded, potentially filmed. I am so, so excited and giddy and thrilled! And though I've put up this image-less video for the time being, I'll be updating the new one as soon as it's recorded.

Funny how, sometimes, that tiny 5% isn't so small after all. ;)

Breathe Out

Did you ever find yourself in a position, a situation, a moment, where you just didn't know what to say? You can feel it crackling in the air, a live thing―this is important, this has meaning!―and yet when you reach out to touch it, it slips away. All that's left is the feeling that something precious was lost, even though you don't know what.

And then that moment's past, the person gone...and suddenly the words come.

These are the words written at 2:00AM, the ones I didn't know how to say, but can sing. It's one of those cases, when the person in mind is so simply sad and hopeless, a laugh escapes. It's not joyous, it's hollow. It's breathing out, when you can't even speak. It's caring about someone more than they do for themself...and  having to let go before you get burned, too.

So here's the song I wrote for the words I couldn't say, for people whose names will never be mentioned but that I hope, one day, might listen.

Breathe Out 

my original composition

Breathe out, 

these are the words I caught in the wind 

And I smile, as you cast your net 

and cut my paper wings. 

Once upon a time in a land far ago 

the cold city boy met the wood-bound princess. 

And they'd play in the forest 

'till the moon hung low.

...that was, oh, how many years ago?

Pre-Chorus 

And I won't be made guilty for 

decisions I have taken. 

(No)

The day you made yours, 

gave me no other option. 

Chorus 

When the concrete's warmer than the bed you're lying in,

too wound up to see the stop signs caving in; 

when the words won't come 

'cause they're the only ones worth saying. 

Breathe out, breathe out, breathe out, 

breathe out, breathe out, breathe out...

when I can't love you. 

It's called 

The mistakes we make on purpose 

for those who hurt us. 

Damaged, the boy reaches out for more

he always wants more, 'till the castle's burnt 

and they're the last two standing...

Good thing he never knew her 

heart was for the taking.

Pre-Chorus 

Chorus 

And it's hard to breathe out
when i see you

sinking, wasting, burning
in a fire too late to put out.
But what can I do when you
don't want to know you?
(and I thought I didn't know myself)
Look me in the eye,
tell me you're not high.
What can I do when I'm wanting to know you
and I'm reaching out, reaching out,
but you're not breathing out.

Chorus 

Breathe out,
these are the words I caught in the wind.
And I smile, as you cast your net,
and cut your paper wings...

I started writing this song in the summer, when something happened that came back up during recent events. It wasn't until today that I finished it. I apologize for the lack of visual in the video (the sound quality, too)—I'll make a better one soon—but, for now, here it is! What do you think?

Do you have that song? The one that, feeling happy or low, you could just hand to those who ask "are you ok?"...and let it speak the words that you can't?